Monday, 27 December 2010

Another Christmas

I love Christmas, it is my most favourite time of the year.  From October onwards I am usually planning and looking forward to the big week of festivities, eating, drinking and gift giving.  This year therefore has been rather tough.  I am not used to feeling down during what is usually my happiest time.  Depression, I am discovering, is a bummer.

Christmas Eve candles

Christmas day was undoubtedly the toughest.  Trying to engage in the fun, desperately wanting to play with Lillia and all her presents but instead sitting glued to a chair breastfeeding for hours, exhausted beyond description, with a dark sensation pushing down on me the whole time. 

Whisky and snacks for Santa and Rudolph

Definitely not a Christmas I want to revisit.  Though I will, over the years, many times I am sure.  I will look back and remember and be grateful that I no longer feel that way, that I never again will feel that way at Christmas again.  This depression will be behind me, I will make sure of it. I've come through a lot in my 33 years, I can get through this.

Lillia had a wonderful Christmas being thoroughly entertained by her (now thoroughly exhausted) aunt and eating far too many pink smarties whilst watching far too much television.  But that's what Christmas is about, a little time out from the usual rules :)

Mum's fireplace

I hope each and every one of you enjoyed wonderful Christmasses, and are still enjoying the Christmas week.  I was lucky enough to receive many new books so as soon as baby Phoebe starts feeding a little more easily I am looking forward to getting some reading done during those long wakeful nights. Amongst others I received A Year in Provence by Peter Mayle, read many times years ago and then lost, I am so glad to have a new copy to re-read!  I also got Kirsty Allsopp's Homemade Home book, a couple of novels, two cookbooks and a book on seasonal gardening (is there any other type of gardening..?)  So there's plenty to keep me going should I ever get the chance.

Mum's Mudmeddling Santa

On another note - despite all the doom and gloom and the apparent lack of productivity over here - I have actually been indulging in the odd bit of crochet time.  I have a plan you see, a Big Project.  Something that will play a part in dragging me out of this post-natal depression.  More on this in a day or two...until then, Merry Christmas xx



  1. It's great timing that you were able to be with family who could help with Lillia and Phoebe and ease your load just a little. I know it wasn't the best Christmas, but I do know you'll come out of this. Hugs!

  2. Hang in there - I've been there before and at the time it is so hard to imagine coming out of the darkness... but you will.

    Yay for crochet - I am crochet mad and it always makes me smile!!

    Have a wonderful 2011!!

  3. Merry Christmas Ali. You have an amazing spirit and will work through all of the darkness. I'm thinking of you and wishing the best for you. Happy New Year and all the best in 2011. Can't wait to see what you are cooking up.


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