Thursday, 16 December 2010
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
The last two weeks have been...rather...tough.
I have said before that I like this blog to be a happy place to visit, but just occasionally a dose of hard reality seeps in; the kind of stuff that isn’t all about crochet and clay, crafting and cakes and tea. But I think we owe it to one another as women, because the majority if not all of the readers of this blog are, after all, women, to be honest about the realities of motherhood and life.
I have been diagnosed with post-natal depression. It is to say the least a bit of a shock. I had felt pretty damn terrible after the birth of my first daughter, the beautiful Lillia, and I had assumed that was how you felt when you had a baby –not full of the joys of motherhood and bonding, not singing the praises of the beauty of breastfeeding, not cooing and cuddling and enjoying every moment – but feeling useless, incompetent, exhausted, confused, overwhelmed and incapable. I assumed that was how people felt and that you just didn’t mention it...because you’re not supposed to feel that way, right?
So I said nothing and I pushed on through it alone. It took months before I felt human again. This time though my midwife immediately picked up on the signs, sent me straight to my GP, who assessed me and referred me to a specialist unit at the local hospital. It has all been very quick, very straight-forward in a way. I suddenly find myself surrounded in support – family, health visitors, midwives, and even my own specialist PND worker. Now I know that it’s not normal to feel this way, but it is very common. The hormones of pregnancy and birth have messed with the chemical balance in my brain and caused the issue, it is nothing more than an illness, and one which I shall apparently emerge from with help, with hard work, determination, maybe medication, and time.
Christmas is usually my absolute favourite time of the year, but it is hard to find the joy I usually do in the festivities this year. I am taking it day by day and week by week at the moment. Hopefully one day very soon I will feel myself again.
Until then I will check in here when I can, keep you updated and I’ll be sure to wish you all a very merry Christmas.